


Even Angels Fall Apart

by wonderful_fannygirl



Series: The Angel of Asgard, the Avengers, and America [2]
Category: Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Abduction, Alpha Steve Rogers, Angel Wings, Anxiety, Bad Parenting, Bucky Barnes Feels, Chaos, Daddy Issues, Dark Magic, Dark Past, Depression, Drinking to Cope, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Sex, F/M, Father-Daughter Relationship, Female Character of Color, God of Chaos, Goddesses, Good Tony Stark, Healing, Healing Sex, Hurt Steve Rogers, Hurt Tony Stark, Kidnapping, Mommy Issues, Parent Tony Stark, Past Torture, Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Post-Thor: Ragnarok (2017), Pre-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Pregnancy, Pregnancy Scares, Protective Steve Rogers, Rough Sex, Secret Marriage, Self-Acceptance, Self-Hatred, Sex, Sick Character, Sick Steve Rogers, Social Anxiety, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking, changed avengers world
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-05-13 08:06:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19247173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wonderful_fannygirl/pseuds/wonderful_fannygirl
Summary: Havallah continues to explore her relationship with Steve as well as herself. Along the way, she finds out what has really been missing from her life all along.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is the second part of my Even Angels Have Secrets. This time I made sure it was completely finished before uploading! If there's some continuity errors, I apologize. I made slight changes to the original, but it shouldn't be too confusing! Please enjoy!

Amidst the oxygen and nitrogen swirling through my hair, I looked over at my husband with a newfound sense of gratitude for him. The sand beneath my feet scrunches up between my toes and I can’t help the wide smile on my face. I know that this moment may be one of the happiest in his life and I am eternally grateful to get to be a part of it for someone that I respect, admire and most importantly feel an endless amount of yearning and love for. 

 

TWO WEEKS EARLIER 

 

“Steve!” I call out as I search through our apartment. “Where did you put the rainy day cash?”

Ugh, my boyfriend… my stupid, doofus of a boyfriend has a tendency to keep almost a thousand dollars in cash in the apartment. He hides it for a rainy day fund and in case anything happens. He, of course, wouldn’t let me contribute any money towards the fund; he and Bucky scrounged up some and clipped it together and hid it somewhere in the apartment.

I need it today because our bitch of a landlord is demanding that we pay immediately to fix the hole in the wall of our apartment. I mean, we’re the ones that have to live with it not her. 

And she needs it now so she can pay the guy that came to fix it. I told her I would have to run to the bank and explained that I as a fucking goddess could do it in seconds, but she told me that she wants it now. 

“Damn it,” I mutter under my breath as I fly open the drawers of our bedroom. I even check the bottom of my socks drawers and everything just to check that Steve isn’t putting it in plain sight. It’s not there.

I storm out of my bedroom ready to rip out my hair, which I’ve cut in the past month since Steve and I almost broke up.

I have to say that our relationship at this moment, is not at its strongest. We argue, occasionally and get into big fights that we ignore each other through but now we bicker all the time. Natasha just says we’ve moved out of our honeymoon phase and now we’re getting down to the nitty-gritty. Whatever the fuck that means. 

Anyways, back to my hair which I cut (much to Steve’s dismay, which is about most of the reason that I did it), it was halfway down my back and now it stops right at my shoulders. I told him that it grows back pretty quickly, but honestly, I hate it too. It’s too short and I can’t do anything I want with it and when my hair curls up, I get neck length which I hate too. 

One thing, a good thing about all this bickering is that when we get into a fight about the dishes (Bucky ends up doing them) or something, we have amazingly good sex. He’s started pulling my hair and we’re definitely not afraid to use our strength just to piss off the other on who’s dominating who. I think it’s a little loud because Bucky asked us one morning if we could please make up before we went to bed or had sex because he can’t sleep otherwise. 

I fall onto my knees and begin moving things around the console table. On top of the console table is a picture of me with my friends and a picture of my father and me.

Our relationship has thankfully gotten a lot stronger and he’s become more of a father to me than he has in years.

I begin to open the little box shelves and dig around until finally, I find something I never meant to find. 

A black box. 

I open it, knowing that I’ve spent enough years on Earth to know what it is. 

A huge diamond sparkles in my face and I gasp and I’m screaming in my head to shut the damn box and don’t bring it up EVER! I can’t.

“Hav, it’s in the…” Steve yells from behind me. His sentence tumbles off halfway through at what I found. “Hava.”

“What is this?” I ask, turning to meet his eyes. They’re hard. The way they’ve been a lot lately.

“An engagement ring,” Steve says. “It’s for you.”

“You were gonna propose?”

“I… still… was planning to,” Steve mumbles. “You weren’t supposed to find that.”

“Yeah, it’s a good idea putting it under the console table. I never touch anything in the drawers.”

“Well, not that good of an idea,” Steve murmurs and walks towards me. He opens a drawer on the coffee table and takes out a bible that’s been hollowed. He takes out the money and slaps it on the table. “Why do you need the money?”

“Landlord.”

“Okay,” He nods and begins to leave.

“Steve!” I call out after him. “The ring?”

“What about it?”

“When did you get this?”

“Before the Loki thing for sure. While you were in London.”

“You don’t want to…”

“You weren’t supposed to find it, Havallah. And now, I-I don’t know what to do. This is definitely not how I planned on proposing at all.”

“What were you going to do?” I ask him quietly. He smiles a little, a soft one that I haven’t seen in a while. 

“Take you to the shawarma place or the freeway,” He admits. “I was trying to think of something more romantic and special so you wouldn’t-”

“Runaway?” I ask with a smile. He chuckles and bobs his head. 

“It’s hard to get the timing right with you. Before the Loki thing, us… we were really good so I was planning to propose maybe a month ago if things still went right. They haven’t.”

“Yeah,” I agree. “Sorry. We have been uhm… a little mean to each other. I think we just want one another to be better and we’re not getting that and…”

I stop because Steve is looking at me sadly. “I love you, so much, Hav. And I want to be married to you now. It’s weird cause in these last two awful months I have just wanted to ask you to marry me and I’ve gotten close but every time I’ve talked myself down and away from it.”

“That’s too bad,” I laugh. “I would’ve said yes.”

Steve takes a deep breath and smiles, genuinely. He tries to hide it as to not get too excited. 

“Is that why you wanted me to not spend a bunch of money on the apartment?”

“And the furniture. We’d need to furnish our own place.”

I nod again. “Did you have a speech?”

“It was gonna be the heat of the moment,” Steve says.

“Why do you keep talking about it like it’s in the past?”

Steve blinks and clears his throat. He gets up and comes towards me. My heart pounds loudly against my chest and my breath hitches in my throat. He moves some of my hair back and smiles. “Havallah, would you marry me? Despite my passive aggression towards you in some moments and… my inability to… accept you and totally get you? Would you please marry me? Because I need you, your face, your voice, your collectiveness, your smile, your humor, your bitterness, your dark side. I need you so badly, I can’t imagine living without you and I can’t lose you. I love you so would you do me the honor?”

I smile at him. 

“I would gladly.”

 

THE PRESENT

 

So that’s how I am standing here at this moment on a tropical island in Bora-Bora. With the Mayor of Bora Bora (so we didn’t have to go to town hall, apparently he’s a big fan), Bucky and my father. No one else just us. 

We pulled it together pretty quickly, but we needed to be married to each other. 

It wasn’t our immediate idea to elope. We felt bad for leaving everyone out, but with the way our relationship has been so shared already with our team, we needed something for ourselves. For this family.

Steve’s arms wrap around me and he hoists me into the air and I can’t help but giggle. He kisses my collarbones and neck till he gets to my face and finally kisses his bride. 

Bucky and Heimdall cheer, standing side by side and my father throws up Asgardian magic that goes up in the air creating an explosion of fireworks and magic. Flower petals from Bucky rain down around us as Steve continues burying me in a kiss. My hands rest on his cheeks as I enjoy every part of him. 

He sets me down finally and I can’t help but let out an excited scream. 

The mayor steps away from us and leaves us together as I hug Bucky so tightly that he groans a little bit and Steve offers a hand to my father, but he pulls him into a hug instead.

“Congratulations, Hava,” Bucky says. I go over to my father and hug him.

“Yes, congratulations,” Heimdall smiles. He takes my hands and squeezes them. “I’m very proud of you.”

My smile becomes soft. “Thank you.”

“Not that I haven’t been before today. I admire you, Havallah. You’re strong and you’re good and you’re my daughter and for that, I have to love you because I have no choice-”

“Papa!” I exclaim and just hug him again. 

“I’m very happy for you,” Heimdall says. He kisses my forehead and squeezes me tightly. We finally step back and I take Steve’s hand. We look at each other, nervous in our first moments of marriage. Bucky and Heimdall look at each other and nod.

“We’ll leave you two,” Bucky says with a bit of pain. “You’ve got a long journey ahead of you.”

Steve’s face frowns. “I thought you’d all stay for dinner or… we have the chef coming in a little while.”

“We talked before the wedding and we think that you two could use the alone time to be together and be happy. Besides, we’d just distract you guys from doing what you really want to do anyway,” Bucky sighs. Heimdall looks at Bucky with a small sigh.

“Which is what?” I ask Bucky, edging him on.

“Only have eyes for each other and ignore us anyways,” Bucky responds. I squeeze Steve’s hand. 

“We wanted the time with you two though. You’re our family.”

“Your family is also back in New York,” Heimdall responds. Steve’s chest rises with a sad sigh. “But, don’t worry about that. We’re staying in the other suite. We’ll find you two tomorrow. For now, enjoy your first night as newlyweds.”

We nod and they leave us. 

That’s how it would be. This whole thing. Just us in it together for the long run. It’s scary to think about, but exciting at the same time. I have him for thick and thin and that makes me joyous, but… every marriage I’ve ever known has failed. But, something about the way Steve looks at me, even when we’re arguing, or fights for me in battle, and just him… something about him, something is so intense that I know we’re going to survive. 


	2. Chapter 1

“We can call them tomorrow,” Steve says, pulling me into him so his arms wrap around me. I look at his eyes through the mirror and frown. 

“I think we should go there today,” I argue back with him. “I feel awful for leaving them out of everything.”

“Me too,” Steve says. He kisses my neck, but when my body shivers he holds me still in place. A tingle runs through my spine. 

“So, why don’t we go?” I mumble. Steve’s head comes back up from my neck and we again meet in the mirror. 

“Because… there’s a reason we eloped in the first place, Hav,” He says back in the same pitch as me. Quiet as if someone was listening to us. He lets go of me and I turn and wrap my arms around his neck. His hands land on my hips, holding them firmly. 

“I know…” I sigh and look at a hickey I left on his neck from our honeymoon.

We had gotten back just three hours ago and eaten dinner alone in the apartment since Bucky went to the base while we were gone on vacation.

We told Sam that we had gotten engaged because he came over the very next day and we had only told Bucky and my father at that point. Sam had asked if I was ready to become a total bridezilla with Natasha and Wanda over the details of the wedding and it made me cringe so badly. 

First of all, I hate parties. I hate them. They’re too loud for me and I’ve seen weddings on TV and even attended one with Tony once and I didn’t like it. It didn’t make sense for the bride and groom to be sharing such an intimate moment with literally everyone they know. Tony explained that they were sharing their love with friends and family, but I said that there was no way that they knew these many people for such an occasion. 

Then, Tony said that weddings are actually only done to make bridesmaids jealous and then I began to catch on.

Second, I don’t like planning things. Not like that anyway with a caterer with food I’ll never get a chance to eat, flowers I don’t care about and accent colors. I was excited about my wedding dress and with a little help from Pepper (yes, she knew too. Her and Tony aren’t back together, but I was really pushing for it when she helped pull some strings with Vera Wang to get me a rushed ordered dress), I got one that I love. 

I’m very worried about telling Natasha and Tony. They’re going to flip out to hear that I didn't tell them that I got married or invited them to the wedding. But, if I did I would’ve had to invite Wanda, then Vision, then Thor, then Brunnhilde, then Clint, then Rhodes, then Sam, and even Loki at that point and that’s not a very good idea. 

“So, then you know that you didn’t want a wedding. At all,” Steve says. 

Steve had wanted a wedding more than I did I think. Same with the ring. I’m not one for jewelry and all, but the ring he gave me is ginormous! He explained that his mother had told him that he would have to buy the girl he loves a nice ring, especially since his mother’s wasn’t all that much. He has it somewhere in a box and I really like it. 

It’s a simple gold band with a cute diamond in the middle. Engraved on the inside is S+J.

Our wedding bands are in the middle (I’m glad about this). He told me that normally the women get diamonds in hers, but I told him maybe we both should have diamonds. He then said no and we agreed on gold bands with diamonds facing towards us, so as to not totally blind everyone, which I already do with the giant rock on my finger.

“We could just call and plan something. You know, like we’ll come out to the base and see them.”

“You don’t want to do that. We haven’t been back in a while and Loki’s still there. I don’t want to do that conversation.”

“I don’t either,” I agree. “Fine, we’ll wait till tomorrow.”

 

Tomorrow comes pretty early the next day because there is a giant racket and noise outside of our room. I think it may be Bucky because he gets back today, but I hear multiple voices. Steve turns in the bed next to me and mumbles something into my chest.

“Tell him to shut up.”

“I will,” I say and relax into my pillow. Steve’s arms are wrapped around my waist and his head rests firmly on my breasts. I begin to stroke his hair as he falls back asleep and I smile that I get to have this. 

Something I have tried very hard not to think about it is the fact that I’m basically immortal and it will be years before I die. Steve, however probably has a little while being at the peak of human perfection and all. It would give us a good one hundred and fifty years, I’d say but at this time I won’t age like that. My birthday is coming around soon and Steve is officially ninety-eight. I’ll be turning twenty-one in earth years which means I would have become a full adult in Asgardian. I’ll stop aging pretty soon and Steve still is. 

I begin to pet his cheek and I can’t help the wide smile on my face at his squished together features. 

The door opens and Howie comes barking in and comes to the side of the bed. Bucky steps in with a nervous smile on his face.

“Morning, you guys,” Bucky greets. “I have some news.”

“What?” Steve muffles. 

“The team is here,” Bucky lets out. “They wanted to see you guys after your vacation because it’s been a while and they figured you’re in a better place now. I tried to tell them that you guys wanted some privacy, but they said you guys have had it for a month now. And now, Sam is mad at me because I let them in the apartment.”

Steve sits up off of me and gets out of bed. “Hav, give me your rings.”

I blink at him and frown. “Aren’t we going to tell them?”

“Well, yes, but we can’t just walk out there with these on.”

“Okay,” I say, reluctantly and try sliding off my engagement ring. I get it off after a moment and then slide the wedding one off to. Steve does with his but, he has a tan from wearing it out in the sun while on our honeymoon. I give them to him and he sets them in the drawer on his side of the bed. 

“We’ll get dressed and come out.”

“No, they want you right now. Just please, come on.”

I shake my head and get out of bed throwing on a black long lingerie robe I bought for the wedding. Steve picks up a shirt off the ground and puts it on and we leave our room. 

The whole team which includes Thor, Tony, Natasha, Bruce, Wanda, Sam, Vision, Rhodes and some others like my dad and Brunnhilde stand there with smiles because they brought a table and an entire breakfast with them.

“Surprise!” They all exclaim with bright smiles except Sam and Heimdall who know that we’re married. 

“Hi,” I say a little awkwardly. The smiles droop from their faces. I look at Steve, who forces a smile. 

“Did we wake you up?” Wanda asks concerned at our weird expression.

“Kind of,” Steve interrupts. Tony looks at Natasha, who is smiling at the two of us. 

“So…” Natasha exclaims. “How was your vacation? Sit down.”

We both sit next to each other at the table and I take a long sip of the mimosa at my place.

“The vacation was fine,” Steve says. “We uhm… we went to Bora Bora.”

“Wow,” Tony says and takes a bite of the eggs on his plate. “That’s nice. You guys go scuba diving?”

“Mhm,” I respond and take Steve’s drink and finish the rest of it. 

“See, I told you Tony that this would be a bad idea,” Bruce says. “They needed some time alone.”

“They already had it on vacation. Now share,” Tony says. “What’d you guys do?”

“We went hiking on Mt. Otemanu, we went to the spa…” Steve says and takes his drink glass from me. He sets it down. “Why don’t you tell them, Hav?”

I look at him and then everyone. “We went on a jet ski tour around the island. It was good. Bucky came for like a couple days.”

Heads turn to Bucky and he looks at us. “They got married.”

Our mouths drop at Bucky’s bluntness though I understand that he didn’t want to get involved in our weird talk about what we did on our honeymoon. What do they really think we did on vacation?

I take a deep breath and smile. “Surprise.”

Tony’s mouth is in a tight frown and Natasha is trying to smile. 

“Oh,” Natasha gets out. 

“Congratulations!” Thor exclaims. At least he’s happy for us.

“Yes, congrats,” Vision says. Everyone else is still quiet. 

“What do you mean, you got married?” Tony asks. “Like you eloped? Is it legal?”

“Yeah, it’s legal. We uhm got engaged a couple weeks ago, but we didn’t want to a wedding,” I explained. “Sam and Pepper helped us work out the details.”

“Wait what?” Tony says. “Pepper knew?”

“Well, I needed help with my dress,” I say. Natasha’s mouth drops and I try not to look at her because I know she’s hurt. “Just to help me rush the order so I could have it.”

“And Sam?” Tony barks. 

“We needed help organizing things,” I say. Tony sits back totally dissatisfied and folds his arms. I look at Natasha. She’s not looking at me. 

I lick my lips and try to say something. “I didn’t… We didn’t want to… leave you all out of it. It just happened that way the only people there were my father and Bucky because we needed two witnesses.”

“You guys,” Steve interrupts. “We thought about it a lot and we needed something that was… just for the two of us.”

“That’s what a vacation is for! The honeymoon for crying out loud,” Tony exclaims. “You really didn’t invite us to your wedding.”

“I’m sorry,” I apologize. “I didn’t want to do it that way, but I had to.”

“Why did Steve not want a wedding?” Tony says, eyes locking on Steve.

“What the hell, Tony?” Steve argues back.

“No!” I cut between them. “I hate parties, you know that and I hate weddings! I needed something for myself, Tony and I’m not going to sit here and defend it because I thought about it on our honeymoon and maybe it was the wrong decision, but… we did it and we’re happy.”

Tony is silent now. 

“You couldn't have called us?” Natasha asks. She looks between Steve and I. “I mean, just to let us know.”

“We were going to call today,” Steve says. “If we did, you know you would have convinced us to have a wedding.”

“What about your dress, Hava? I can keep a secret,” Natasha says. “We’re… I thought you would’ve called me to help you pick out a wedding dress. I’m your best friend.”

“I know,” I admit. “I was ready too, but we knew you’d convince us to not get eloped and to wait a minute, but we needed to get married. Or else we would’ve… we probably would’ve broken up. We need to take another step in our relationship, Nat and I’m sorry you couldn’t be a part of it.”

Natasha nods and then looks at Tony. “Congratulations.”

“So, what are you guys going to do next?” Wanda asks. “Have kids?”

We both sigh. “We don’t know. We’re probably moving pretty soon.”

“To where? Italy?” Tony asks. “Have some secret kids?”

I look down and Steve doesn’t say anything.

“Sorry. What about a wedding reception? Did you guys have one of those?”

“No,” Steve says.

“Well, we can have one. You’ll let us throw one for you.”

“Fine,” I agree.

“And what about a bridal shower?” Wanda asks. “You should have one.”

“And a bachelor party,” Tony adds.

“No,” Steve cuts in. 

I chuckle and take in his hand.

“Do you have a ring?” Natasha asks. “I didn’t see any.”

“We do. I have an engagement one,” I say. “I’ll go get it.”

 

Two days later, Steve and I are lying in bed way late into the morning. His lips are moving around my sweet spot as I run my hands through his hair gently and quietly moan his name. Yesterday, Natasha, Wanda and I put together a bridal shower and it’s going to happen today. I’m not exactly excited about it since some of the people I don’t actually know (like some royalty from Wakanda that Tony just met) and I secretly invited Pepper. Natasha and Wanda aren’t exactly the warmest to her anymore since she broke up with Tony and especially with the way its left him on edge.

Steve and Tony will not stop butting heads over every little thing. And I mean, every little thing it’s starting to drive me insane. Tony thinks we should have orange tulips and Steve likes purple acacias and then I told them that they were both acting like complete pussies and that I would decide the color of the flowers.

Then, it was the drink menu at the bar. 

Then, the chicken or beef.

I think there’s some other issue there, but I’m not going to get too involved in it right now. Right, now I need to enjoy the fact that Steve’s fingers have slipped inside me.

I gasp a little at the immediate pleasure and pull his face from my neck so I can kiss him. My hands landed on his cheeks and I hold him in place as I kiss him roughly. 

Steve takes his weight off of his right arm and removes his fingers so he is on top of me.

There’s a knock at the door. 

Steve ignores it and I follow his lead. His hands go to his cock so he can slide it in me, but the knocking persists.

“We’re busy!” I call out and shoot a ring so I know the door’s locked. In fact, I jam it. 

Steve chuckles and pushes himself inside me. I moan a little and his lips begin to nibble at my ear as his hips move slowly, thrusting at my g-spot every time. 

The door clicks and opens and we both look to see who it is. 

Wanda stands her magic dying down as she looks towards the ceiling.

“I have to ask you about your centerpieces. Natasha won’t let me just make the decision. She wants to know if we’re going to do a themed wedding or just simple, classic.”

I scoff and Steve falls into me murmuring a string of curse words I didn’t know he knew.

“Get out, Wanda,” Steve murmurs. “I mean it.”

“Can you please just answer? Wanda asks, her eyes now closed and looking at the ceiling.

“Classic is fine,” I get out. “Now, leave.”

Wanda turns and locks the door as she goes. Steve looks up at me with his brows flat.

“I’m done with this reception bullshit,” Steve tells me. “I’m done. I’m not making any more decisions and we need to get this over with as soon as possible.”

“It’s not for us, Steve. It’s for them,” I tell him. “Not that I’m happy that they set up shop in our living room.”

Steve doesn’t answer and gets off of me and I frown. I know that he’s no longer in the mood, but I sit up anyways and begin to massage his back as he moves to the edge. 

“What do you want to do? For us?” I whisper. I kiss his muscles under his skin and I know that they’ll relieve some tension in his back. White energy flutters from the spot and he groans. I did it again in his lower back and he chuckles.

“We could look at apartments. Or houses, I don’t know,” Steve says. 

“That sounds good,” I say and continue rubbing his shoulders. “But, that means we need to talk about some things.”

“Like what?”

“The future,” I admit. “I know I hate to plan it, but-”

“You said you don’t want kids,” Steve says. I’m silent because, at this point, I don’t know what I want. Kids sound good, but for me to get pregnant is complicated.

“I know, but… I’m a little open to it,” I state. “Just a little bit.”

“Okay… we have sex all the time. Why aren’t you pregnant now? I know you’re not on birth control and you never have your-”

“Well, Steve… I’m Asgardian. You really think I’ll let something as trivial as a period weigh me down?”

Steve blinks and turns towards me. “So, what is it?”

“Most women use magic to control their fertility levels and things like that.”

“And you?”

“Well, mine are at an all-time low,” I chuckle, nervously. He doesn’t smile back. “I can raise them so we can conceive.”

Steve closes his eyes and gets off the bed. “Havallah.”

“What?” I say. “You really mean to tell me if you were a woman and you could control that, that you really wouldn’t?”

“I mean not if… Let’s talk more about this later,” Steve says. 

 

I exit my bedroom to find Natasha and Wanda cutting different cheeses and looking at flowers. I chose white and red colored roses for the flowers. I want this all to be as simple as possible. 

“You need to get cleaned up,” Natasha says not looking up. “The shower starts in an hour.”

I sigh and go into the bathroom and lock it. Knowing Natasha, I don’t need her coming in and telling me I have to shave my legs. I know I have to shave my legs I’m not twelve.

I take off my black sleeping dress and stare at my body in the full-length mirror next to the toilet. I try to imagine it swollen. My breasts would be a cup size bigger, my stomach would expand, and I’d have to push the thing out of my vagina. I shiver at that.

I turn the shower on and wait for a minute for it to warm. 

I don’t hate children. I don’t, but I know that a couple of months ago I was dead set no on having kids. That there was no way in Hel Steve and I would ever. However, now as I’ve come to I think Steve would make an excellent father and I know he’s not jumping for us to have them right now but maybe we should be having them; something’s changed and I don’t know whether it's the marriage or maybe the fact that… 

I blink and feel my stomach for a moment. I never said I was infertile because I’m not. It’s just… a very very very low chance that I could get pregnant. Steve… but Steve has superhuman everything, maybe I am pregnant.

I try not to feel horrible at that fact and step into the shower. I begin to do things automatically as if on autopilot mode. I rinse my hair with water and squirt shampoo in my hands. I rub it through and finger comb my hair while I’m at it and begin rinsing.

I couldn’t be pregnant. I’d feel it the same way… well, I don’t want to have to look at the memory but I will.

 

Valoria with her beautiful colored hair, that I always wish I got instead of black, stands with a somewhat swollen belly in a bedroom at the palace. Her hands go around her bump and she inhales. She tries to connect with me to perhaps know what color I would prefer my room or what I want to eat. All she feels is a compound of energy. One that she swipes her hand off her belly for because it began to give her a headache. She couldn’t feel me.

 

So I can’t see my baby. Even if I wanted to. I wonder if it’s myself or the baby that would be blocking me. I begin to get out the conditioner and squeeze it into my hand and again massage it into my hair. There’s no way I’m pregnant not even if I wanted to be, that would be insane and weird and that’s not what we want right now. I think.

I let the conditioner sit in my hair and ponder what Steve and I’s kids would look like. They’d be adorable, I was a cute baby at least I don’t know about Steve. 

Then, it crosses my mind on if they’d inherit anything from me. I would hope not so that they could possibly have a normal Earth life. Though, it’d never be normal with an Asgardian mother and a father who’s almost one hundred years old. 

I get the soap and begin to soap up my body, shave and rinse everything off. I get out the last of the conditioner and I step out of the shower and take a towel. I know that I don’t have a pregnancy test laying around so I’m going to have to sneak out of the house and go get one. 

I come out of the bathroom and Natasha and Wanda are talking with the caterer who is catering this party and the reception. They were thinking of doing a cocktail hour so Steve and I could take some pictures in our wedding attire. 

I think Natasha and Tony are going to make us do a ceremony. Not a big one but one for the team because they’ve been whispering about making sure chairs get to a certain place. I think they mean to do it as a surprise a chance for us to re-enact Bora-Bora but I know Steve is not going to want to do it. It already took so much to convince him (in private away from the team) to just go along with the reception and to just do this for them. 

I go into the bedroom and close the door and lock it again so Natasha can’t also tell me what to wear. I throw my towel to the floor and change into some underwear and then put my robe on. I go over to a vanity that I have in my bedroom and get the blow dryer and begin to blow out my hair. 

I do this for almost an hour and finish and then plug in my flat iron.

I turn away from the vanity and pick out a romper. It’s black with little lace flower details and belled out sleeves, I put it on zipping it up. I go in front of the mirror and smile at my hair. I begin to flat irons the ends of it and fluff it up to get it so it’s full.

I fixed it for the wedding using a little magic, but now it’s all of a weird consistency because I’m not exactly a whiz at beauty magic. But, when it’s blown out like this I can hardly notice. 

I go over to my shoes which take up almost all of our closet (Steve was kind enough to let me put some on his side) and take out a pair of red stilettos. I slip them on and walk out and to Natasha and Wanda they both smile.

“You look amazing,” Wanda grins. Natasha nods and then they both go back to what they were doing. “You know could you put the table in Bucky’s room? He and Steve already left for the day.”

I nod and open the door to Bucky’s room and then float all of the chairs in. I go over to the wooden table and lift it up, slowly because I don’t want to break it and carry it into the bedroom, moving some things around so it can fit. I close the door and Natasha says something else to someone I thought was the caterer, but they’re not. 

They rent furniture because they bring in some more couches and some mini tables to go around with ours. 

“Hava, what about the coffee table?” Natasha asks.

“What about it?” I reply.

“Could you move it into yours and Steve’s room? Please?” Natasha asks. I look at the table and I shoot a ring around it and it disappears and I know reappears in our bedroom. I flop down and look at my shoes. 

“Those are amazing!” Wanda exclaims as she puts some flowers on the end table next to me. “Where’d you get them?”

“Saks,” I replay. “They are really cute, aren’t they?”

I move them a little and the diamonds going down the middle sparkle back at me. I took off my wedding band for the shower and I’ve kept my engagement ring on. 

Natasha comes over and sets down the giant appetizer plate. 

“Are you excited?” Natasha asks. No.

“Yes,” I reply. “Can I run down to the store real quick?”

“Why what do you need?” Natasha asks going back to the kitchen and putting out some wine. 

“Just a walk,” I say. “We’re out of milk.”

“No, Bucky bought some today already,” Wanda informs. “He also picked up more of your cereal for you.”

“Oh,” I mumble. “When is this starting?”

“In just fifteen minutes,” Natasha says. “So, whatever finishing touches you have to do, go do them.”

I try not to groan and stand up and go into the bathroom. I know that there’s no pregnancy test in here, but if I can concentrate long enough maybe I could send myself downstairs. 

I close my eyes and put out my hands. Two rings form above them, but I crush the rings to form a bigger one. I raise the ring over my head and once it stays on its own my hands float by my side.

“Hava!” Natasha bangs on the door. “Havallah, come here!”

She sounds upset and I puff. The ring flows over me and I absorb it back. I open the door and step out of the bathroom and find Pepper.

“Pepper!” I laugh and hug her. “I’m so glad you made it!”

She hugs me back and tries not to drop the present in her hand. “Of course!”

Natasha’s arms are folded and Wanda bites a strawberry, her eyes locked on Pepper.

“You invited her?” Natasha asks.

“Yes,” I nod. “Is this for me?”

“Mhm,” Pepper says, handing me the present. 

“Let’s put it over here,” I say and take her arm over to a table designated for presents. 

“You didn’t tell me that they didn’t want me to come,” Pepper mumbles.

“Well, would you have come?” I respond. 

Pepper sighs and puts the present down. “I don’t blame them for hating me.”

“Yeah, well you dumped Tony,” I say. “If you got back together with him, maybe they’d warm up.”

“Hava,” Pepper groans. “I need some time.”

“It’s been time.”

Pepper looks over at Natasha and Wanda and notices they’ve gone back to preparing for the party. 

“I can’t believe you’re doing this,” Pepper says. “You said no wedding.”

“I know,” I flip some of my hair behind my shoulder. “I just want them happy. And I’ll deal with it.”

“Is there anything I can do for you? To make this better?” Pepper asks. I think and then smile, then frown. I drag her towards the window and look down at the street as people arrive.

“A pregnancy test,” I whisper. Pepper’s eyes turn to round emeralds.

“What?” Pepper replies. “Are you serious?”

“Yes,” I reply. “I wanted to get one myself but the witches won’t let me go. Could you get one for me?”

Pepper reluctantly nods. “I’ll be back.”

Pepper leaves and announces she’s going to make a phone call.

 

The party begins to happen and I’m socializing mindlessly with people I’ve only met a couple times. There are some new people who came because Tony has become friends with the Wakandan prince, T’Challa and so I am trying to make friendly talk with his younger sister. 

However, she notices pretty quickly that I’m not amused.

“What’s wrong?” She asks. I blink at her and then around the party.

“What do you mean?” 

“You’ve been on edge this whole time,” she responds. Pepper comes through the door and I think this is going to relieve some of my tension, but it only builds more. Now I have two unpleasant things I have to take care of today. 

“I hate parties,” I tell her. 

“So why are you having a wedding?” Shuri asks. 

“You sacrifice things for the people you love. Truthfully, I already got married. We eloped a few weeks ago this is just for the sake of our friends who didn’t get to come.”

Shuri begins to laugh and I laugh with her. “This is all a charade?”

“Oh, yeah,”  I nod. “I feel a bit bad taking the gifts.”

“Don’t be!” Shuri responds. “You deserve them for being put through this torture. I think this party sucks.”

“Thank you! I didn’t want to be the one to say it! It’s my party,” I laugh. 

“Hava!” Natasha beams. “Come here.”

I scoff. Shuri in response laughs and I get up and go over.

“What?” I ask.

“The First Lady is going to arrive soon,” Natasha says.

“What?” I ask.

“Mrs. Ellis,” Natasha says. “Surprise!”

I furrow my eyebrows and there’s a knock at the door. Pepper goes to open it not knowing that it’s going to be the First Lady. 

Mrs. Ellis in all her glory comes through the doors with a smile. The girls in the room stand up, though Shuri stays sitting until her companion tells her to stand. 

“Havallah!” Mrs. Ellis smiles, brightly.

“Cynthia,” I smile back. We go over and hug each other. “I had no idea you were coming.”

“Mean either until about an hour ago,” Cynthia responds back. We pull out of the hug and smile. Pepper comes over. 

“You know, the First Lady?” Pepper asks with a stunned look.

“We’ve had dinner a couple times and whenever I’m at the White House, I always make an effort to stop by,” I smile. “Oh, Shuri, come meet Mrs. Ellis.”

Shuri stands and goes over to “the plastic looking white lady” in her thoughts. 

“Cynthia, this is Princess Shuri,” I introduce. “From Wakanda.”

“Oh!” Cynthia smiles. She bows. “Your Highness.”

“Oh, we don’t- It’s an honor to meet you, Mrs. Ellis,” Shuri says. 

“Hava, can I pull you away for a second?” Pepper asks. She pulls me away from them and they go over to the party. “Here.”

“Thank you,” I say and take the bag. I go into the bathroom and decide that for now, I won’t take the test. It’s the last thing I need finding out that I’m pregnant in the middle of my bridal shower. 


End file.
